You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
