i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
