True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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