dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
