I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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