I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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