Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
