I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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