i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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