i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
