He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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