Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
