he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
