We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
