How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
