I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
