I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
