If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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