I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
