walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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