the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
