I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
found the other keg... it's in the tree
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
