Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
