Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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