Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
