I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
