trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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