i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
