A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
