Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
