i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
