I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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