is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
