They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
