Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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