i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
