oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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