fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
