The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
