So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
