Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
