I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
