when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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