I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Randomize
