kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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