2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
