He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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