Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
