made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
