dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
