You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You are a genius and a whore.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
