I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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